10.11.09
Posted in Jokes at 17:43 by Erwin Kodiat
While she was “flying” down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, “What’s your hurry?”
To which she replied, “I’m late for work.”
“Oh yeah,” said the cop, “What do you do?”
“I’m a rectum stretcher,” she responded.
The cop stammered, “A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”
“Well,” she said, “I start by inserting one finger, then work my way u p to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it’s about 6 feet wide.”
“And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot ass hole?” he asked.
“You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge…”
Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop’s Face. PRICELESS
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Posted in Lawakan at 17:40 by Erwin Kodiat
Seorang dokter tua di kota kecil akhirnya berlibur.
Ia menugasi anak laki-lakinya, yang baru saja lulus sekolah kedokteran, untuk menjaga pasiennya.
Saat sang ayah pulang, ia bertanya pada anaknya apakah terjadi sesuatu yang tidak biasa.
“Aku menyembuhkan penyakit Nyonya Ida yang sudah dideritanya selama 30 tahun,” jawab sang anak dengan bangga.
Ayahnya marah, “Penyakit Nyonya itu yang membuatmu bisa sekolah selama ini sampai lulus sekolah kedokteran! Kok malah kamu sembuhkan itu bagaimana?”
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10.10.09
Posted in Jokes at 07:47 by Erwin Kodiat
A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed.
The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming, “I can’t sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It’s against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!”
The Hindu said he would sleep in the barn, as he had no religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying, “There’s a COW in the barn! I can’t sleep in the same room as a cow! It’s against my religion!” The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he’d go to the barn, as he had no problem sleeping with animals.
In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the cow entered…
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10.09.09
Posted in Jokes at 11:45 by Erwin Kodiat
As a mom passes her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within.opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. shocked, she asked: “What in the world are you doing?”
The daughter replied: “Mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”
The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. upon entering the room , he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: “Dad I’m thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”
A couple days later, mom came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. she entered and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. the vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.
The wife asked: “What the hell are you doing?”
The husband replied: “I’m watching football with my son-in-law.”
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10.07.09
Posted in Jokes at 08:58 by Erwin Kodiat
A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”
“I wouldn’t know what to say,” she replied.
“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the mother said.
The child bowed her head and said, “Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
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10.05.09
Posted in Jokes at 12:56 by Erwin Kodiat
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of Cosmo.
Son on the cover of Sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of Playboy.
and …. wife on the cover of “missing persons”
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10.04.09
Posted in Lawakan at 23:20 by Erwin Kodiat
Merayakan ulang tahun perkawinan ke 50-nya, seorang kakek bermaksud membeli hadiah buat si nenek.
Berangkatlah si kakek naik bis sambil berpikir, “Beli apa ya?”
Di sebelah kebetulan duduk seorang gadis yang tengah membaca majalah yang di sampulnya ada iklan bra. Si kakek dapat ide untuk memberi hadiah bra buat nenek. Sampai di toko lingerie, kakek tampak kaget dengan begitu banyak pakaian dalam bergantungan.
“Beli apa, kek?” kata penjaga toko kaget karena ada kakek-kakek ke tokonya.
“Mau beli BH buat nenek.”
Si penjaga toko bertanya, “Ukurannya berapa?”
Si kakek terlihat bingung, “Nah itu… masalahnya kakek lupa nomornya dan nggak bawa contoh..”
Si penjaga toko mencoba cari ukuran, “Mungkin sebesar jeruk bali, kek?”
Si kakek masih terlihat bingung, “Wah, kegedean.”
Si penjaga toko iseng bertanya, “Jeruk Garut, kali ya?”
Kakek berpikir sejenak, “Kayaknya masih kegedean.”
Penjaga toko bingung, tapi tak hilang akal, “Oh ya, mungkin sebesar telur bebek?”
Si kakek tampak bersemangat karena tebakan penjaga toko itu tepat, “Ha, betul!”
Matanya berbinar, “Tapi, yang didadar.”
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10.02.09
Posted in Jokes at 08:53 by Erwin Kodiat
President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word “tragedy”. So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a “tragedy”.
One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” said Bush, “that would be an accident.”
A little girl raised her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explained the president.
“That’s what we would call a great loss.”
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room.
“Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy (Lil’ Johnny) raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: “If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck by a “friendly fire” missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic!” exclaimed Bush.
“That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?”
“Well,” says Lil’ Johnny, “It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”
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10.01.09
Posted in Lawakan at 15:25 by Erwin Kodiat
Tiga orang perempuan sedang dalam perjalanan naik pesawat terbang. Setengah jam setelah mengudara, pilot mengumumkan adanya gangguan dan para penumpang diminta untuk mempersiapkan diri karena pesawat akan mendarat darurat.
Perempuan pertama segera memakai semua perhiasannya, mulai dari kalung, gelang, cincin dan anting. Dengan pandangan tak mengerti, kedua perempuan yang lainnya bertanya apa maksud dari tindakan tersebut.“Dengan memakai semua perhiasan ini, semua orang akan tahu kalau aku kaya. Jadi mereka akan menolongku lebih dulu,” jawabnya.
Perempuan kedua segera membuka blus dan bra-nya. Ketika yang lain bertanya, ia menjawab, “Ketika regu penolong datang, mereka akan langsung melihat betapa seksinya dadaku dan aku akan ditolong lebih dulu.”
Perempuan ketiga yang kebetulan berkulit sangat hitam melepaskan celana luar dan dalamnya. Kemudian ia berkata, “Biasanya sih, orang-orang akan mencari kotak hitam lebih dulu.”
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09.29.09
Posted in Lawakan at 13:05 by Erwin Kodiat
Seorang wanita cantik tengah menikmati perjalanannya dengan kapal pesiar. Untuk mengenang perjalanannya, dia menulis dalam buku harian.
Tanggal 13:
Sebuah keberuntungan buatku.
Aku berhasil mengenal kapten kapal dan ternyata dugaanku benar. Dia sangat gagah…
Aaah beruntungnya aku.
Tanggal 14:
Tanpa kuduga sang kapten mengajakku makan malam dan…
Alamak dia juga memuji kecantikanku…
Aku jadi tersanjung.
Tanggal 15:
Dia mengajak makan malam lagi. Sang kapten ternyata nakal juga.
Dia mulai berani mengajakku bercinta dan menunggu jawabanku besok.
Tanggal 16: Dia menagih janji.
Dengan jual mahal kutolak dia.
Eh…dia malah mengancam akan menenggelamkan kapal beserta 1200 penumpangnya.
Tanggal 17:
Pagi yang cerah. Aku bangga bisa menyelamatkan nyawa 1200 penumpang.
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